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17.8.15 i can't seem to find anything positive here. i just want intimacy, i just want friendship, i just want true friendship. i feel so alone. so isolated. why is it only now that i am experiencing all this? why is it that it is exacerbated by some individuals?? is it because i have invested so much i have nothing left? honestly i feel so empty inside. i have nothing to offer. people keep saying that you will find true value in god, but where is it? i have buried myself in his word yet i still feel the same... i buried myself in prayer but nothing seems to happen. yes he did make certain things fall into place. but how about other things? my heart is so broken, i know not when/how/why/where/what can fix it... i walk around and i see so many beautiful things. yet i feel so empty. like solomon says, everything in life is meaningless. why bother? why even try?10.8.15 boston will never be the same for me. I think just because so many memories, emotions, and feelings came up that it will never feel like the first time I arrived in Boston - fun, excitement and anticipation. Maybe going back Singapore might be a good change for me. Maybe going back Singapore will give me the closure I need. Some people say that time heals. but how long?? i guess for me, this is something permanent and it will take a verrryyyy long time before it heals. i wonder why... why God? am i wrong to ask why?2.8.15 i sorta knew it was going to happen. and true enough it did. i'm feeling the same way i feel. horrible. sad. alone. neglected. no one asks for my opinion or what i want to do anymore. no one talks to me. so much feelings coming. sometimes i really wonder whether it is worth living. wouldn't dying be so much easier. i will have no worries or troubles. i have no one to bother me. and no one that i will bother. i will not be a hindrance to anyone. oh god. where are you. please forgive me.21.5.15 the feeling is back whenever they're around me. i cannot even verbalize how i feel anymore. it just hurts me so bad. on the one end, i wish them the best, and on the other hand, i guess i can say i am jealous of what they have?? it just makes me so sad and makes me question what i have.. it's been a while since i was able to find someone to love. and now i dun even know whether what i have is love. i know that i cannot find someone who was like her, and am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? should i seek therapy? i honestly dont know. i dont even know if going back for one for semester in berklee is a good idea anymore. it might rehash memories that i do not want. now what was once two separate friends, is not gone with the wind. i guess i am all alone again. alone. maybe i'm just meant to be that way.. alone... alone...19.1.15 i give up. i really do. its tiring for me to always try to jio people. i will just wait for people to do that to me. then i guess that is when i know who are those i wanna treasure. i have been so jaded that it has honestly affected me a bunch. i'm not sure how much more i can take of this anymore... i give up. i really do this time. peace out world.17.1.15 who am i trying to bluff?? why am i so obsessed over this one person? why? what made me this way?so many questions with no real answers. i really don't know why i do the things i do. i purposely go online now just so that he can talk to me. but he wont. what spell did you cast on me boy? these episodes usually come and go. but now. it doesnt seem to go away. im conflicted? would talking about it solve it? or just letting it be? or silent treatment? how? i really dont know. 29.12.14 you tell me... its so hard to hate someone who is who loveable. who am i?? what is happening to me?? why do i feel so attached to you? what did you do to me?? what spell has you cast on me... i have never felt like this before.. im seriously at a loss... what happened to me??? and i thought time would heal but i guess i not... whenever i'm alone i think about you... its driving me crazy... |
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quotes uneasiness...uneasiness... who -borin boy- likes... anime, music, tennis, frens, hanging out, slacking, sleeping wad do you like? dislikes... people who dun study and do well, reading, soccer(dun get why people like to chase a ball??) hope you dun fall under the people dreams... they are imaginary clouds above your head when you sleep with coloured tv screen. do you have dreams? other peeps... disclaimer... i just write what i feel and think... sign here...
tag!! you're it... |
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bOring
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jaytee
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